Our little Benjamin was meant to come to us. He was a little surprise, and at times I felt so stressed during the pregnancy with all of our moving around, and I feel lots of stress now as I am learning to be a mother to two young boys. But through all of that I know he was meant for us and the timing was just as it should be.
I am sure that everyone who has ever been pregnant and not loved every waking breathing second of it, can agree that when your due date rolls around without any sign of baby arriving, it can be pretty discouraging...I know that very few babies arrive exactly on their due date, and that somehow seems fine, as long as they arrive EARLY! (lol) So when March 29th rolled around without any contractions, no other signs of labor in any way, shape, or form and I went to the doctor and there were no signs there either...still only a 2 not much effacing, I was even more discouraged. David was about to start into his LONG work days, which would mean that he would be there for the delivery and that's about it...so I talked to my doctor about possibly inducing on Monday if baby didn't arrive sooner, so that David would be around for a couple of days to help out. Since my doctor was on call all day Saturday he was able to schedule a planned induction for 7 am Saturday morning...but wait this gets even better (maybe only because it's my story though lol)
I was feeling a little bit guilty about choosing to be induced so quickly, I mean this time around there were no complications, nothing hinting at any potential problems, just that I wanted David to be around more for the first few days, but regardless we set up plans to have David's mom come up that night so that she would be here to take care of Ethan when we went to the hospital the next morning. (She was an angel to me that weekend and the first week after the delivery. I can't thank her enough)
So with emotions all over the place, knowing a day in advance that we would be having a baby the next day we started collecting ourselves and preparing...what a luxury to know in advance right! So we went to bed that night with our alarm set for 530 so we could shower and eat and get to the hospital by 7...but plans changed...
I woke up at about 2 with some uncomfortable contractions, but didn't think much of it because that had happened a week earlier and ended up with nothing...so I laid in bed for a while, until they started to come pretty regular- 4-5 minutes apart...then at some point I woke David up and we sat there in bed timing them for a while before we decided to just get up and get ready and head to the hospital a little early. It was all pretty relaxed at this point. The contractions were pretty mild, just uncomfortable- so I took my time and got a nice hot shower, dried my hair- no makeup though, that just seemed silly, and cut myself an apple. We had a pretty leisurely morning for a couple hours while the contractions continued to come every 4-5 minutes apart- not really getting worse, or maybe I just slowly raised my tolerance threshold, who knows. Slowly 6 o'clock rolled around and we got a call from the hospital saying that they could no longer do my induction due to lack of sufficient staff to perform elective inductions...they had to just plan on handling the ones who were emergency inductions etc. or already in labor on their own....well SURPRISE, I thought to myself, I will probably be coming anyway HAHA HA HA. But as I got off the phone with them I doubted whether I was actually in labor or not, I mean I had been having contractions for 4 hours, and I was still reasonably comfortable, and then as though my body read what my mind was saying, the contractions almost completely stopped. I went for about 30 minutes without a single one- so David laid down and went back to sleep, we sent Katie back to bed and I laid down on the couch. I slept for about an hour and a half off an on while I had maybe 3 or 4 contractions that whole time...DARN it- looks like no baby today...
But Benjamin had other plans- all of the sudden I got pretty sick to my stomach...no details needed, and within about a half hour the contractions were back, only WAY WAY more intense...I had to double over and cross my legs and breathe heavily, you know, the whole works...and they were coming 4 minutes apart, then 3 then 2, and I realized "ok this is actually it" but I figured we still had a while, so Katie got in the shower and I figured we would leave as soon as she got out...all the while David kept saying that if we needed to go we should just go, but I kept holding off, silly me...good thing Katie took a quick shower! The moment she got out we decided it was probably time to leave, and I am sure that our car thanks us...because by the time we got to the hospital and I laid down in a bed, my water broke...David and I both breathed a sigh of relief that we hadn't waited any longer...much more convenient for that to happen at the hospital for someone else to deal with haha. And you know, it was kind of exciting in a strange way to experience this whole process all happen on it's own. So very different than being induced, and very rewarding to know my body was capable at doing this on it's own.
Up to this point my labor this time around was much more relaxing than with Ethan because I was comfortable at home, but after my water broke, they were "contractions with a purpose" to just get this thing DONE. It was no longer even remotely comfortable. They had just measured me before my water broke and I was between a 5 and 6 and by the time I was all checked in and in a labor room I was between a 7 and 8 and I was really wanting an epidural and funny thing, they wanted me to have one too, in hopes of slowing down my labor. (since I was strep b positive again they needed to get the penicillin in my system for at least 4 hours prior to the baby being born) Now silly thing, if I had known the penicillin had to be in your system for that long I could have come in a LOT sooner, but I wanted to be VERY sure this was the real deal...I mean I hadn't gone into labor on my own before lol.
At this point, I think that I wanted to cry a little because the contractions were pretty darn intense to say the least, a lot of doubling over and attempted calm breathing- squeezing David, etc. etc. and I maybe would have cried except that David was making the most pathetic jokes, that weren't even remotely funny, and at the time I thought that it wasn't helping me at all, but in reality it probably did. It didn't make me angry like some women apparently get when in labor, I just mostly found it a little annoying, which helped me not think about the pain, and David was such a great support as he just sat in front of me and let me cling to him to get through the contractions. I know this probably makes it sound like it took forever, but from the time we got to the hospital to the time little Ben came, was only 3.5 hours. Mind you I'd been in labor for about 6 hours at home. But all in all I knocked a couple hours off from the last time! lol
Anyway I barely got my epidural before they won't give it to you anymore, and I did hear the anesthesiologist say to another nurse that she had to do mine before her patient since they were trying to slow me down- gotta love being the priority. Once I got the epidural I was expecting complete relief like the last time, where I didn't feel more than just the tiniest bit of pressure even at the delivery, but I can't say it was that amazing. It did take, maybe just not as strong. I had about 20-30 minutes or so of almost complete relief with just mild discomfort, huge progress from intense pain, and then there was pain again...not so strong, but still pretty intense and all at once and I felt like the baby was already coming out...so we had the nurse come back in and check everything, and she said that the baby had dropped down and we would be ready to push in a few minutes- so she went to get the doctor. So much for slowing things down huh ;) By the time everyone was back, I'd had another major "dropping" feeling and knew it was time to go...I could completely feel the need to push, which was different than labor with Ethan...it was more intense/painful, but I felt like I was more involved because of the pain and pressure. Once I started pushing the baby's heart rate dropped and held low for a while so they did call NICU just in case, because they didn't know for sure if there was a problem, but as soon as he came out my doctor took one look at him and said that he was a totally healthy baby- he looked great- always a relief-and within seconds he was crying. I only had to push for about 25 minutes and there he was, beautiful, perfect, and healthy!
As I look over the two completely different labor experiences I've had, I can't say that either one was better or worse than the other. They both had their ups and downs, but both with amazing results...a perfect baby boy. I am so blessed to have had two pregnancies and deliveries that have brought me two of the most amazing blessings. As I continue to reflect on the feelings I had in the labor and delivery- I felt so strongly this time the amazing wonder of my body and how it was able to accomplish such an amazing feat. As I pushed that boy out and saw him for the first time I felt so incredibly...Proud, to say the least. I think it is a feeling and emotion incapable of sufficient descriptive words. I felt like I had just accomplished the most amazing feat, like I was absolutely invincible. I felt like the most amazing/lucky/beautiful/incredible woman on the planet, like I had just done something no one else could do. I had the most amazing baby and he was perfect and I had helped create him and bring him to this world- no one else, just me, and there he was. Every perfect inch of him for me to love and cuddle and care for. WOW. That's truly the best wording I can come up with, and it doesn't even touch the true depth of what I felt, and that was such a blessing to feel that way this second time in particular because I had felt so overwhelmed this whole second pregnancy.
I remember being so anxious about labor this time around because no matter how incredible it is, it is still the most physically and emotionally difficult thing I have ever done - however the feelings I had right after the delivery were so amazing that in a brief moment I can honestly say that much to my horror now, I remember thinking to myself "that was incredible, I could totally do that again, I want to do that again, I'm ready, let's have another baby" Yes my friends, i have already repented of that thought after a few weeks of sleepless nights and the stress of two children under two. I am NOT ready for another one, not even close, but I would give about anything to feel that sense of wonder again and again in my life. It is a gift to mothers at the end of a long and tiring journey. There is no other thing that can compare to having a baby. No other feeling so beautiful, no other accomplishment so rewarding, and no other challenge so fitting for me as a woman. I am so lucky, so blessed to have two beautiful boys. And I am so grateful for the blessing of bringing them into this world, and for the opportunity to spend every day for the rest of forever being their mother.
Yes I look puffy and swollen eyed and like I'm at death's door - but it's like looking at pictures of someone who just ran a marathon...beat to a pulp, but triumphant!
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| My two beautiful boys |
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| Beautiful sleeping Ben |
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| One of the rare open eyed moments in his first week of life |
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| He's only pretending to be awake, but such a beautiful picture |
